Since April when a 68-year-old Pennsylvania woman nearly killed herself dumping teabags into the Susquehanna River, we’ve loved pretty much everything about the teabaggers. Sure they make great signs and hold some pretty rowdy protests, but the gift that keeps on giving is the combination of their amazing stupidity, unparalleled simplicity and comical obesity.
All three were on display recently when they wrote to Rep. Tom Perriello (D-Va.) and asked that he move his office because it’s not convenient enough for their protests.
A Christian civil liberties organization…
Oh ha hey ha ha. A Christian civil liberties organization! This is already funny! Starting over.
A Christian civil liberties organization on Thursday asked centrist Virginia Rep. Tom Perriello (D) to move his home district office to a location more favorable to protesters.
The Rutherford Institute, which was founded by conservative constitutional lawyer John W. Whitehead, penned a letter to the freshman Perriello citing the concerns of a local tea party group and the University of Virginia College Republicans that the location of his Charlottesville office interferes with their right to protest there.
Here’s an excerpt from their actual letter:
Unfortunately, it is your choice of office location that has hindered the ability of citizens to effectively communicate concerning issues of the utmost importance to you, Congress and the people of the Commonwealth of Virginia,” wrote Whitehead.
“The First Amendment clearly guarantees individuals the right to speak out publicly and address their government representatives on the important issues of the day.”
Yes, that’s true; the First Amendment does guarantee individuals the right to speak out. What it does not do is require people to move their place of business so it’s more convenient for you to protest.
Look, Perriello’s office isn’t on top of an ice mountain, guarded by lions and surrounded by land mines. It’s in a freakin’ strip mall smack in the middle of downtown Charlottesville, accessible by mass transit and right down the street from the University of Virginia.
So, sorry College Republicans, and sorry teabaggers. That sucks that you’ve been threatened with trespassing charges. It isn’t Perriello’s office that’s threatening you, though. It’s your beloved private enterprises, small business owners and police. Of course none of this would even be an issue if you did what normal people did: write a letter, schedule a meeting with the office, or for the love of God, stopped being so goddamn fat.