Want to see an article about some white guys doing something for white people? The Times is your go-to publication. How about a slideshow featuring white people basking in formerly sketchy Inwood’s safe environs? The Times has you goddamn covered.
Based on the relative banality of their metro coverage and the way they just can’t commit enough ink to ballet, is it any surprise that the Times‘ big insight into the awesome spectacle and box office performance of James Cameron’s Avaghey is the really boring question, “For All its Success, Will ‘Avatar’ Change the Industry“?
Correct question: Who gives a shit if Avaghey changes the industry? I know. You may be thinking that “Will Avatar Change the Industry” is a perfectly logical question for the Times to ask. But how many people have been thinking, “You know what I want to see? A really long action movie in 3D” Answer: James Cameron. I mean, just look at this nonsense:
Asked last week if any similarly ambitious film were in the works, Alec Shapiro, senior vice-president for sales and marketing of Sony Corporation’s content creation group, whose digital cameras were used on “Avatar,” was stumped. “Not to my knowledge,” he said. “I can’t, offhand, see another half-billion-dollar production.”
Wow. That’s some ace reporting, New York Times. Look at the following paragraph for more unintended yuks!
Mr. Cameron and his producing partner, Jon Landau, have talked of possible sequels to “Avatar.” But 20th Century Fox, which distributed the movie and helped underwrite production and marketing costs of about $460 million, has yet to announce plans for any successor to a film that was at least 15 years in the making.
Again: Wow. Imagine if Cameron wrote the script for an Avaghey sequel with a release date set for June 2013. If it took 15 years to craft the shitty dialogue of the first film, what sort of awesome chit-chat will the characters regale us with in the sequel?
Blue guy: “You can’t fire on them! There are women and children down there!”
Military white guy: “The Corporation signs my paychecks, not you! Shut up!”
Halfway through this woefully inept story do we get an answer to a question no one cares about in the first place.
“While ‘Avatar’ is likely a watershed for digital and 3-D technology,” [Barclays Capital] wrote, “it does not tell us that the underlying economics of the film business have changed.”
That leaves a long stretch during which moviegoers, tantalized by “Avatar,” will be watching fantasy films like “Iron Man 2” from Marvel Entertainment and Paramount or “Jonah Hex” from Warner and Legendary Pictures, neither of which is as technologically ambitious as Mr. Cameron’s recent film.
OH MY GOD IS THIS ARTICLE STILL GOING ON?
Asked how quickly the next such movie might arrive, Mr. Landau said, “I hope sooner, rather than later, and not just from us.”
Asked how quickly this New York Times piece may end, Dave of SCFOM said, “Not soon the fuck enough.”