Scott Lee Cohen — and this is all real — is running for lieutenant governor in Illinois. That’s not news. In fact, he won the Democratic nomination on Tuesday. That also is not news. What is news, however, is this:
[Police] and court records from an October 2005 incident show that Cohen’s then-girlfriend alleged he put a knife to her throat and pushed her head against a wall. Public records show that the woman, his 24-year-old girlfriend at the time, pleaded guilty to prostitution that same month.
The Chicago Tribune also says that according to court records, Cohen choked his wife, verbally abused his children and did many other less than gentlemanly things that we’ll get into.
Not surprisingly, Democrats — even an apparently mob-tied U.S. Senate candidate — are calling on Cohen to step down as the party’s nominee. Cohen’s not having any of that, though, because he seems to have an iron-clad defense ready to go: all of his bad behavior is just a result of his using anabolic steroids.
[Cohen’s] ex-wife, Debra York-Cohen, was with him today and said she stood by the allegations in the divorce but said his philandering and volatile behavior took place during a brief period time when he was using steroids. The allegations included him frightening their four children and threatening her verbally and physically.
“It was a short period of time, and it’s certainly not something that the people of Illinois need to be concerned with,” York-Cohen said.
Yes, obviously the only reason the people of Illinois would need to be concerned with Cohen’s steroid use if if they’re married to him. Or arm-wrestling him, maybe?
So how long ago was this steroid use? How infrequent was it? How far beyond it is Mr. Cohen? Glad you asked.
Although I may have taken steroids and or performance enhancing drugs in the past I have not utilized any of these drugs in the last two weeks … Although from time to time I have screamed and yelled at my children, that is my parenting style and my prerogative. I have never abused my children, I have never hurt my children and I have never done any harm to them,” Cohen said, according to the records.
There! You happy, Illinois!? No steroids in TWO WEEKS!
And get off Cohen’s back! YELLING AND SCREAMING AT HIS CHILDREN IS JUST HIS PARENTING STYLE! LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT! YOU’RE NEXT, SPRINGFIELD! SCOTT LEE COHEN’S ON HIS WAY TO CLEAN UP GOVERNMENT! AS SOON AS HE STARTS TAKING STEROIDS AGAIN, THAT IS!
UPDATE: An astute reader (we have those!) points out that Cohen’s statement about “no steroids in two whole weeks” is in fact from two years ago. So there ya go. No steroids in two years! We bet his balls are still tiny, though.