Good news for all you fat asses out there who have been trying to lose weight (not really). Now’s there’s a good reason to stay fat! Unfortunately, that reason is to stop a bullet.
We swear to God this is true. Some fat asshole in Atlantic City – Atlantic City! – actually said this: “My love handles saved my life.”
This fucking country. From the Press of Atlantic City:
Samantha Lynn Frazier wanted to lose weight. But the extra pounds do not bother her now.
“My love handles saved my life,” she said Monday, two days after she was shot inside an Atlantic City bar.
That’s right. We put that quote in a second time because: we can’t fucking believe someone said that on the record.
But as [Frazier and her cousin Kimberly Moore] walked toward [a] bar from the Boardwalk, Frazier heard a pop, then another. She tried to duck inside the bar with Moore.
That’s when the pain hit.
“Something bit me,” she said, putting a hand to her left side. “I moved my hand, and it was full of blood.”
“I’ve been shot,” Frazier said just before passing out.
So yeah, yeah, she got shot. The poor woman literally walked into an ambush. The doofus the shooter aimed for only got a bullet in his down jacket. So we feel some sympathy for Frazier because we’re not heartless. No one deserves to take a bullet, especially in shitty Atlantic City.
Then she said this:
Frazier said she is trying to keep moving around so she does not get stiff or depressed. Her family is helping, including her young cousins, who she said tend to her, trying to help her get up or down.
She’s trying to move around so she doesn’t get stiff or depressed! Hey, maybe if you’d moved around to lose weight before you went to Atlantic City, you’d have dropped a pound and been 15 feet ahead of the bullet!
Wishful thinking, sure. Bring it home!:
“I’m going to be 36 in July,” she said. “Thank God, I’m going to be 36. I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life.”
“I’d been hollering how I want to lose weight,” she added. “I don’t want to lose weight anymore. I want to be as big as I can if it’s going to stop a bullet.”
Yeah, because what are the chances you’ll be shot twice? Final thought: Barf.