There’s an AP story out Friday that says Maryland – shithole Maryland! – is considering a switch to the North from the nasty old South.
Of course, not everyone is happy about the proposed switch. And why should Marylanders – or whatever these hayseeds are called – be happy about it? In the North we’d demand they get their teeth fixed and we’d make all the men get neutered so they can’t spawn more little buck-toothed crackers than they already have.
Here’s a genuine local’s take on the whole thing. (Beware: You will totally want to punch this person in the neck.)
Diane Schwallenberg, who has lived in the Annapolis area all of her 53 years, said she feels more Southern because of the state capital’s laid-back waterside atmosphere and small-town friendliness. But she said she has noticed a change over the years as more people have moved to the area.
“Some of the new people that come in – not the real, true Annapolitans in particular – but people that have come in are kind of preppy and all,” she said.
Yeah! They shower and wear pants! It’s totally bizarre. It must be pretty weird for someone like Schwallenberg, who’s been alone in using the phrase “and all” since J.D. Salinger died.
But here’s the real reason Maryland shouldn’t come to the North, aside from the “we don’t want you, losers” reason:
Marylanders live just south of the Mason-Dixon Line[.]
Case closed. Go back to making your corn moonshine and putting your car on blocks in the driveway, rubes.