Bravo Politico! Bravo!
Mike Allen and the gang have once again won the morning! What’s the scoop this time? Apparently Sir Karl Rove and the GOP are actually trying to win the upcoming elections. We can only imagine the kind of old-school shoe-leather reporting that went into breaking this story, but it was probably straight out of “All the President’s Men.”
INT: BEDROOM – NIGHT
A dingy hotel room, dark but for the light from a small television in the corner. The soft hum of Fox News buzzes as the TV flickers.
Two bodies are slowly illuminated on the bed. The larger of the two, KARL, moves as though jolted awake by a indigestion.
MIKE rolls over slightly to face KARL. He gazes into the doughy man’s eyes.
Maybe it’s inappropriate of me to ask right now, but Karl, you did say you’d give me something for tomorrow’s paper.
KARL’s hand moves down MIKE’s leg. KARL sighs.
I know I did, but I don’t want to give too much away. This election is a big deal for Republicans. We don’t want to…
(Pulling sheets over his head)
I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. It’s just… I just want to win the morning.
Look, I shouldn’t tell you this…
Then don’t. I know your job is important, and I don’t want you to get in trouble for leaking.
But what if it wasn’t leaking. You know? What if you could get information from me without me even talking?
KARL moved his hand directly over Mike’s genitalia, startling the reporter.
Ask me anything you want, but make it a yes-or-no question. I’ll squeeze your balls once for yes, and nine times for no.
FADE TO BLACK
Anyway, it may or may not have happened like that. We’ll probably never know. But, as per usual, Politico wins with the big scoop!