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Here at SCFOM, we like our sports. What we don’t like, though, is the terrible habit athletes have of thanking God for every single thing they do. David Ortiz hits a home run; thanks God. Kurt Warner wins the Super Bowl; thanks God. Floyd Mayweather punches another man in the head for 10 rounds; thanks God.

It’s all so stupid, the idea that God wants Floyd Mayweather to win more than his poor opponent or that he wants David Ortiz to get hits against the Yankees (possible). But why doesn’t the proverbial shoe ever go on the other foot? Why doesn’t anyone ever call out God when something terrible happens?

Enter Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson:

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Which freedom-hating homo-lovin’ terrorist-sympathizin’ 9/11 widower would do such a thing!? Just former Bush Solicitor General Ted Olsen, that’s all.

While the everything-in-the-Constitution-must-be-strictly-interpreted Teabaggers remain largely silent on the issue of Cordoba House, you can add Olsen to the list of actual strict Constructionists who believe First Amendment protections trump political expediency. For the record, that list also includes Pat Buchanan and Joe Scarborough. We’d write more on this ridiculous wedge issue, but why dignify something of no importance — a local zoning issue — with additional words when thoughtful people of all sides can see through the fear-mongering that’s pushed it into the mainstream.

[TPM]

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At first we weren’t so cool with Alvin Greene as a senate candidate. He was unemployed, lived with his parents, didn’t seem too bright, and was oh so awkward. He also won a primary race without campaigning, and had zero dollars in the bank to run against Jim DeMint.

After a month of terrible interviews, proclamations of grandeur, and still no campaigning, we learned yesterday how amazing Greene’s military service was. Air Force records obtained by the AP included “a performance review which found that Greene was ‘unable to express thoughts clearly’ and ‘not able to adapt to any changes to daily routine.'”

Ouch! So what was Alvin Greene’s big comeback? How do you turn that kind of frown upside down?

Oh, just with the greatest campaign rap ever! Rap video of the century after the jump.

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Do nothing.

No, seriously.

Alvin Greene is an unemployed veteran who has never held political office. After filing for the Democratic primary in the Senate race from South Carolina, his campaign seemed to stop. There is no Alvin Greene web site, no Alvin Greene bumper stickers, no Alvin Greene yard signs. There’s not even an Alvin Greene FEC filing.

Nonetheless, Greene won last night’s Democratic primary, beating Vic Rawl, a judge who served in the South Carolina legislature for four terms. A judge who had gathered $186,000 for the campaign.

Hear that, Blanche Lincoln? You could have tried the “fuck it” approach in Arkansas, because God knows those people are big fans of doing jack shit.

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No explanation necessary beyond:

[via LA Times, natch]

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I know, right! Like we really have to remind Americans to swing by Dunkin’ Donuts or Krispy Kreme!

But hey, as long as you’re already indulging in fried dough and deliciously-sweet whipped lard, you might as well do it for free! Today is National Doughnut Day! Get your fat butt to the doughnut shop; supplies can’t possibly last in this economy.

The Store: Dunkin Donuts
The Deal: Free doughnut of your choice with any beverage purchase.
Where: Nationwide, but only at participating locations in the U.S. Visit the store finder for locations.
Details: More info on Facebook.

The Store: Krispy Kreme
The Deal: Free doughnut of your choice, no purchase necessary.
Where: US and Canada, but check out this pdf for participating locations.
Details: More info on krispykreme.com.

[Gawker]

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