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Posts Tagged ‘CNN’

Everyone’s been tracking the whole “anchor baby” nonsense lately, for good reason. Should we shred the 14th Amendment? Should we undo years and years of precedence? Should we deport everyone who’s not white? They’re all excellent questions, and luckily the GOP is out there asking them all. Last night on Anderson Cooper’s super-gay CNN program, absolute-lunatic Rep. Louis Gohmert brought the facts in the case of “Terror Babies.” Yes, terrorists are coming to the U.S., birthing terrorists and then, 15 or 20 years from now…PROFIT? Check it out for yourself.

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Here’s the deal, everyone? This shit? This shit is retarded. You don’t have to go that far back in our history to see what a demagogue looks like, and, surprise of surprises, they look a lot like Louis Gohmert. From the fight against the “Ground Zero Mosque” — which incidentally is run by a guy who worked for the Bush State Department — to pushing the silly and unsubstantiated idea that there are Terror Babies, this has all gone too far.

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There have been a whole lot of, “Oh, fuck me” moments in the news during the week of June 20. The good people at “The Daily Show” break it down for us.

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Gah. Here it is Wednesday — hump day, no less —  and we’re feeling pretty good about the state of Fat America. The primaries Tuesday were fun; a doofus, philandering, holier-than-thou, abstinence-only education turd burglar got caught boning someone on his staff and was forced to resign; and there was a two-for-one at Costco on mayonnaise (joke!).

Then we read this little nugget on CNN’s Political Ticker:

It was the F-word heard around the world and now Vice President Biden has expressed regret to a Kentucky teenager for using the crude language during the signing ceremony of the health care reform legislation in March.

“I should have expressed my excitement in a more appropriate manner,” Biden wrote in a two-paragraph letter to high school student Brandon Halcomb. The letter comes after the 16-year old penned an open letter to the vice president criticizing his choice of language, according to Kentucky’s WYMT News.

Cuh-rist. Vice President Joe Biden finally commits a gaffe that he doesn’t need to apologize for and then he apologizes for it. The gaffe that has inspired White House-condoned T-shirts!

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It’s video day at SCFOM! So here’s Joe Lieberdouche (Idiot-Conn.) talking about how painful it was to be rejected by the Dems in 2006 but how great he thinks it is now, etc. Yeah — because, as an independent, he can speak his mind, etc. But here’s what Joe should have said if he wanted to be completely honest:

“You know, John, I’ve always been most interested in the business of Joe Lieberman. It doesn’t matter whether the party wants me or whether I’m an independent. I’m going to do whatever I can to win. If that means betraying the people of Connecticut by throwing my weight behind John McCain and Sarah Palin, then that’s what it means. If that means supporting a Medicare buy-in for health care and then claiming I never supported it, that’s what it means. If it means I can wield power however I choose and threaten to filibuster something that Democrats want because they shut me out, fine. Good luck to gay Charlie Crist.”

The stuff that will make your head explode hits toward the end of this clip.

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Sort of. He said it much nicer than that. CNN has the real, non-SCFOM version of events:

Speaking at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Thursday night, the president touted tax cuts in the stimulus measure and the fact that the tax rate has not been increased for those making less than $250,000 a year.

“So I’ve been amused in recent days by these people having rallies,” he told the crowd at the fundraiser to laughter. “I think they should be saying thank you.”

Right. He said, “I’ve been amused,” etc. “[T]hey should be saying thank you,” etc.

But what he really means is: You’re stupid. You’re so, so stupid. I can’t believe how stupid you teabaggers are. Suck it. SUCK. IT.

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While Europe is covered in a sheet of ash from a billowing Icelandic volcano, CNN’s famous geologist and twitter robot Rick Sanchez took to the airwaves to dispel the main misconceptions that he and most other stupid people in the world have about volcanoes. You mean they don’t just erupt on tropical islands!?

Actual transcript:

“How can you get a volcano in Iceland, isn’t it too… when you think of a volcano, you think of like Hawaii and long words like that. You don’t think of Iceland. You think it’s too cold to have a volcano there, but noooo. There it is.”

Ugh. Apparently this is what happens, though, when everything you know about geology, you learned from “Joe Versus The Volcano.”

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Ugh. There’s no connection between being gay and pedophilia. Unfortunately, Bill Donohue is not joking for April Fool’s Day. Hey, Catholics! Happy Easter! Congratulations on making the Catholic PR problem worse, asshole!

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