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Posts Tagged ‘Joe Biden’

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Well hey, we’re not doing anything else, so let’s kick this sucker off. Y’all ready for this!?

State of the Union time, baby! Let’s get it on!

9:07 This is, of course, the most important part of the speech. Who’s on the center aisle? Who transcended party labels and waited literally HOURS to get his picture taken with the President!? Obviously, Sheila Jackson-Lee, that’s who. Christ.

9:08 Just in case you’re watching along at home, we should point out that we’re watching on MSNBC. If you’re watching on FOX News, you’re probably seeing a different feed. There are not actually horns on Obama’s head.

9:09 Obama greets the Joint Chiefs. Totally cool to ask if they’re gay now.

9:10 Wow, Pelosi’s wearing a lot of makeup tonight. And a suit! Weird!

9:12 Oh man, big hand for the new Speaker! And an even bigger hand for Gabby Giffords! Hooray for everyone! (more…)

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"Your custard is not as big a fucking deal as you think."

Okay, fine. We haven’t exactly been on our game lately. On the one hand, this site has sort of turned into a sad video-sharing and tweet-compiling service, but on the other hand STOP WHINING — we still had a better week than Joe Biden.

Granted that’s a low bar, but Jiminy Christmas, what the heck is wrong with Joe Biden? First he took his show to Milwaukee, where he dined on custard — NOT ice cream, you dunce — and called a smartass small business owner a “smartass.” Oooh, scandal! Here’s the thing with that situation: the guy went over to Biden looking to mix it up for the cameras, and did it with a stupid issue — one he’s wrong about. He told the Veep that he didn’t have to pay for the custard he was eating, but if Biden really wanted to pay him back he could just lower his taxes. It’s a bit like if I offered to hold a door open for you, and your compromise offer was that I buy you a car.

Beyond that, though, there are the facts that Obama has cut taxes for 95 percent of Americans, and tax bills are at their lowest levels since 1950. But hey, Joe Biden, if you just lower my taxes, I can finally make money selling custard! Maybe it’s the first time this joker has ever had a chance to talk to anyone in government, because he should’ve delivered that message to George W. Bush. Or Bill Clinton. Or Ronald Reagan. Because they all oversaw higher tax bills than Obama.

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Gah. Here it is Wednesday — hump day, no less —  and we’re feeling pretty good about the state of Fat America. The primaries Tuesday were fun; a doofus, philandering, holier-than-thou, abstinence-only education turd burglar got caught boning someone on his staff and was forced to resign; and there was a two-for-one at Costco on mayonnaise (joke!).

Then we read this little nugget on CNN’s Political Ticker:

It was the F-word heard around the world and now Vice President Biden has expressed regret to a Kentucky teenager for using the crude language during the signing ceremony of the health care reform legislation in March.

“I should have expressed my excitement in a more appropriate manner,” Biden wrote in a two-paragraph letter to high school student Brandon Halcomb. The letter comes after the 16-year old penned an open letter to the vice president criticizing his choice of language, according to Kentucky’s WYMT News.

Cuh-rist. Vice President Joe Biden finally commits a gaffe that he doesn’t need to apologize for and then he apologizes for it. The gaffe that has inspired White House-condoned T-shirts!

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We’re pretty sure that Vice President Biden wakes up every day, stretches his arms and says something like, “it’s another great day to be Joe Biden.” With everyone combing through the executive branch’s financial disclosures (Barack Obama’s dog cost $1,600!?), we stopped reading after this nugget:

While Obama earned between $1M and $5M in book royalties last year, VP Biden’s ‘Promises to Keep: On Life and Politics’ earned him ‘somewhere between $0 and $200′”

[NY Mag]

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Human gaffe machine Joe Biden visited ladies teevee program “The View” today, and tried to explain why every single word he ever says is either a gaffe or just a way of setting up his next gaffe. Naturally, talk turned to his “big fucking deal” comment, and Biden let everyone in on a secret: Obama laughs like the Devil! Yeah, that Devil!

Anyway, big apologies from us. Not too long ago we mocked a bunch of people who thought Obama was the anti-Christ. We have egg on our faces. Sorry.

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BOOOOOO! HISSSS!

Joe Biden must be hanging out with Barney Frank, because he sure is acting like a stingy gay Jew! Apparently in 2009, the life-long public servant preferred spending money on taking care of his dying mother than donating it to charity! For some reason this counts as breaking news from renowned online-only newspaper The Washington Times:

President Obama earned big money last year and gave more than most to charity, but his second in command was a bit tight-fisted when it came to digging in his own pocket for donations.

Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. and his wife, Jill, earned $333,000 in 2009, and gave $4,820 — 1.44 percent — of that to charity in cash or in-kind donations, according to their newly released tax forms.

Estimates by charitable organizations show that most givers donate between 3 and 5 percent of their income.

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