The one, the only: “Joetorious” Joe Biden

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Oh FINE! We’ll live blog this shit

Well hey, we’re not doing anything else, so let’s kick this sucker off. Y’all ready for this!?

State of the Union time, baby! Let’s get it on!

9:07 This is, of course, the most important part of the speech. Who’s on the center aisle? Who transcended party labels and waited literally HOURS to get his picture taken with the President!? Obviously, Sheila Jackson-Lee, that’s who. Christ.

9:08 Just in case you’re watching along at home, we should point out that we’re watching on MSNBC. If you’re watching on FOX News, you’re probably seeing a different feed. There are not actually horns on Obama’s head.

9:09 Obama greets the Joint Chiefs. Totally cool to ask if they’re gay now.

9:10 Wow, Pelosi’s wearing a lot of makeup tonight. And a suit! Weird!

9:12 Oh man, big hand for the new Speaker! And an even bigger hand for Gabby Giffords! Hooray for everyone!

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Alabama Gov. will be your friend only if you’re Christian

The American Taliban strikes again, not surprisingly in Alabama, where Gov.-elect Robert Bentley (R) told a Martin Luther King Day crowd that they were all his brothers and sisters – if and only if they are Christian and have “been saved.”

Yes, on a day dedicated to teaching justice, equality, togetherness and unity, the future governor of Alabama took it upon himself to say that although he doesn’t see color, he just can’t be friends with someone who’s different than him.

I was elected as a Republican candidate. But once I became governor … I became the governor of all the people. I intend to live up to that. I am color blind,” Bentley said in a short speech given about an hour after he took the oath of office as governor.

Then Bentley, who for years has been a deacon at First Baptist Church in Tuscaloosa, gave what sounded like an altar call.

“There may be some people here today who do not have living within them the Holy Spirit,” Bentley said. ”But if you have been adopted in God’s family like I have, and like you have if you’re a Christian and if you’re saved, and the Holy Spirit lives within you just like the Holy Spirit lives within me, then you know what that makes? It makes you and me brothers. And it makes you and me brother and sister.”

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So that would mean Obama is…Hitler?

Rep. Joe Barton – the same guy who apologized to BP after they destroyed the Gulf of Mexico – is gunning to take over the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. All he has to do is convince his fellow Republicans that he’s stable enough to take the job. So how to do that? How. To. Do. That?

How about with a little Powerpoint presentation? Sure, why not? It is 1998, right?

More specifically, how about a Powerpoint presentation featuring this slide:

Barton’s nine-slide PowerPoint presentation, sent to NBC by a Democratic aide and confirmed by Barton’s office, reads like a laundry list of accomplishments and GOP priorities — that is, until the last slide.

That slide, titled “What’s in Store for the Obama Administration, states that “Speaker Boehner is our Dwight Eisenhower in the battle against the Obama Administration. Majority Leader Cantor is our Omar Bradley. I want to be George Patton – put anything in my scope and I will shoot it.”

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The teabagger agenda in six minutes

Finally, the pro-teabag and anti-teabag points laid out without shouting.

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Americans want their entitlements and their deficit cut – and probably food, too

The headline is a reference to a Friday Wall Street Journal article — you know, that totes liberal rag — that spells out the problem with America: Americans.

Writer Sara Murray doesn’t come right out and say that Americans are stupid, lazy hypocrites but, hey, we read between the lines and are doing it for her. Americans are stupid, lazy hypocrites. (They’re also fat but that’s another story for another day).

We’ve all heard lately that the deficit is booming, there’s too much government spending, Social Security’s fucked, etc. All of those things are true, of course. Why? Well, the deficit is booming because someone has to kick start the economy and tax cuts for rich people aren’t going to do it. And yes, just in case you’re wondering, the stimulus worked. Certainly not the way the administration thought it would and not as well as it could have, either — because the administration made the mistake of thinking that Americans are rational, thoughtful people — but it did. Just not well enough.

So enough of the background. Here’s what we mean when we say Americans are the problem:

Efforts to tame America’s ballooning budget deficit could soon confront a daunting reality: Nearly half of all Americans live in a household in which someone receives government benefits, more than at any time in history.

At the same time, the fraction of American households not paying federal income taxes has also grown — to an estimated 45% in 2010, from 39% five years ago, according to the Tax Policy Center, a nonpartisan research organization.

Oops.

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